User Profile

Broadly, I guess I've been someone well acquainted with the deliberate withholding of judgement - if you can't see everything someone else sees, shut up and don't judge. I should know how it feels like to be misjudged.

I aspire to be someone who is always there for the forgotten among us, those who need to be heard the most, those who need a companion the most, those who need just a listening ear, those who need unconditional positive regard - that they are loved regardless of any inherent trait they might possess. Why do I aspire to be like that? Maybe cause I had my fair share of what being a loner is like... years of such conditioning has made me sensitive to those who are like that. Yet this is an aspiration at best... I'm only human, I get complacent with whatever measly state I have achieved for myself and I get comfortable all over again.

You don't know a problem till you have it. That's why I don't judge, and that's why I aspire. And I cannot get complacent... I dread it when I do... because I become like the confortable sort of people who go around judging others: the sort I hate so much with every ounce of choler and ire I can find within my being.

Guess I should explain abit about my strange interests. Well, guess I have a strange acquired taste for things classical and ancient. I like such things really. But it puts me at a great disadvantage when relating to people who live, ironically, in the same era as me... I never keep track of the latest fads in the music world or in the movies and what have you: seldom do I have any comments.

Hymns deserve a special explanation though: I once came dangerously close to attempting a suicide in May 2005: I had all the dates planned out and the exact hour calculated too. But my God is gracious... many of my fellow Christians don't see the big deal in hymns... many think them for old folks and many rather sing Hill songs. But hymns have a really special place in my heart... their beautiful words were one of the chief forces that my God has used to save me from May 2005. They are epic works of art, the greatest poetry to ever quench the dried up and arid soul. Maybe that's why I am meant to be an organist... I will keep practising so that unlike most untrained organists here, I'll be able to lead hymn-singing in a way that will inspire, not to bore. Ever since 2005 then, whenever the chance arose, I have subconsciously promoted hymn singing to anyone who seemed receptive of it with an unmatched and unusual fervor not seen at all in any other thing I do.

Speaking of God, I'm a Christian, and a liberal one at that. The bible? It's an imperfect book written by imperfect individuals used by a perfect God who delights in using imperfect people to carry His work. In so doing, He has made room for diversity in human beings and their lifestyles. If everything were perfect, there'll only be one lifestyle that fits all and that's just bull to me. I feel so sad when Christians go around condemning others because of a literal interpretation of the bible. That's so wrong I feel: we have to keep up with the times or make every non-Christian allergic to us, not to mention some of our own allergic to ourselves! Like a pastor in the Methodist church here whom I deeply respect once said: "I always preach with the bible in one hand, and the Straits Times in the other." - never the bible alone.

I really want to get along with everyone I can. All those who know they are my friends: I really cherish you guys alot... maybe you don't know how much I do but yes I do. What I wish for the world? Really: more love... on a global scale right down to the micro person to person contact... yes I do want world peace. And I do wish that the rich would stop exploiting the poor... I would blame this for many many of the problems that are happening in the world today... always been a conflict theorist at heart I guess: have my sociology professors to thank.

Soli Deo Gloria.

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